Polite Words

As I review some of the things that I've written over the past few weeks, a thought springs to mind: Am I being a bit derogatory in my naming scheme for bodily parts?

Just what is a polite way to describe those parts of a girl that you want to fondle, kiss, insert object into or just plain stare at? I don't want to be clinical, I don't want to use terms like vagina, mammary glands, penis or rectum, I want something that is colloquial but not offensive (well, not offensive to people who read this sort of thing). There are lots of words to describe those body parts, some of which I've used but I try to stay away from the more extreme.

• Pussy seems nice and gentle, something to stroke.
• Cunt is too hard and a bit common.
• Crotch is a bit old hat.
• Mound of Venus is good but a bit arty farty.
• Fanny is confusing to Merkins.

• Tits is a almost OK
• Boobs is fine, but a bit British
• Jugs, Hooters, Bazookas etc are a bit to sexist (hey, I'm trying to be sensual here)
• Breasts is OK but a bit clinical.
  

• Bum is a great word but, again may confuse Merkins. The other issue with a bum is which particular bit does it refer to.
• Anus is almost OK
• Ass is too American
• Arse is too British and, like cunt, can be taken the wrong way.

Not easy. I think I'll just have to watch the context in which I write and try not to be too repetitive.

L&X