Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Would you sleep with a virgin?

Strange title I know, but it's a subject that I've been thinking about a lot over the last few months.

Of course, someone has to sleep with a virgin otherwise we would all be one. I myself have done so on two occasions, once with my first proper girlfriend and once with my wife (obviously you can only sleep with a particular virgin once).

There is a particular type of person who takes their main sexual pleasure from 'deflowering' virgins but, personally, I regard this as a form of child abuse (no matter the age of the "victim") or rape. Their intention is not to form a relationship with the person; they just want to be their "first". Like rape, there can be no real joy associated with this act; it's purely a power play. But that's not the point of this post.

Both times that I've been the 'first' were quite disappointing. The very first time because we were both unaware of exactly what to expect and how best to enjoy the feelings and sensations our bodies were experiencing. It was very different from the, admittedly very pleasant, "heavy petting" we had been up to over the previous few months. I came very quickly, she didn't come at all. A latter, less hurried attempt later on that evening was much better. It was similar the second time I slept with a virgin, not very good at the start, even though I was a bit more experienced by then, and then getting better.

At that stage of my life the learning curve was good fun to go along but I'm not sure if it's what I would want to go again. As an almost middle aged man, what I want from a sexual encounter is fun, excitement and satisfaction. What I don't want is some shrinking violet who is unsure what to do. I want someone with experience who wants to get the same level of satisfaction from sex as I do. That's not to say that there
isn't a learning curve to go through with any new partner. Part of the excitement is discovering just how a new body reacts to new stimuli, how one girl reacts to a certain action is no guarantee that another will react in the same way.

However, there has got to be a certain base level that you can both work from. I don't want to have to start completely from scratch; I don't want to have to teach the basics to a girl. OK, they may have a theoretical idea of what is involved with making love, they may have plenty of solo experience (which is a big plus as they will be aware of how their body reacts) but there is no substitute for actual physical experience with a partner.

Mind you, I think it's important to note that just because someone has slept with a number of partners and regards themselves as "experienced", that's no guarantee that they will be any good. I've slept with a couple of girls who, although they had had quite a few previous partners, were very much in the "lie back and think of England" school of sexual excitement. They must have been treated very poorly by their exs as not even the most gently of sensual ministrations on my part would coax any kind of reaction. Even my wife used to enjoy sex and was often multi-orgasmic although she was never keen on anything she regarded as different.

Nope, give me a girl who really enjoys a good fuck and has knows how to give as well as receive; a girl who knows what she wants and loves they way she gets it; a girl who knows what you want and loves they way she gives it to you; a girl who likes to play and experiment, to try something new; a girl who isn't afraid to tell you her own limits and to find out, and respect, yours. If such a girl happens to have the body of a nubile young twenty-something, so much the better :)



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red velvet said...

i think you described a particular type of virgin. not everyone is the same in their "virginal" state. my first time was GREAT, so was the second and third and well most of the rest of them. my partner was focused on making it a good experience and he figured out what to do in order for that to be the case. the whole deflowering thing is stupid but the first time can be good for both parties involved if the communication is open and patience is involved.

Tara Tainton said...

I agree with Red Velvet. You're stereotyping virgins while a virgin is as unique as people are themselves. The end of your entry describes a very open, giving, explorative, and respectful sexual partner, the kind we all enjoy experiences with, and virgins can be just that self-confident, giving, and ready to please... with a little instruction. A wonderful first night is quite possible... just have to find the right virgin. ;)

And frankly, if a man or woman isn't of the open, confident, respectful, etc. variety, it's probably best they put off sex itself until they are. They're just not ready for such a complex new experience.

Great topic and perspective!


Anonymous said...

What if the girl didn't tell you that she was a virgin? Would you rather know upfront or is ignorance bliss? I speak from a virgin's point of view and when I have sex for the first time, I don't want my partner to be worried that I am too inexperienced. How do you suggest I prepare? I don't want to be a bad lay.

virgin said...

Hmm... Interesting perspectives. Over the years a number of guys have told me they wouldn't sleep with me (not that I asked them to) simply because I was a virgin, and it repulsed them. Most men seem quite horrified by the idea.

Edinburgh Erotica said...

Red: Yes, your right. I suspect my first attempts were adversely affected both by my partners inexperience but more especially, mine.

Tara: I don't mean to stereotype, I just recounted my experience. Having an affair with an experienced woman has improved things greatly.

Anonymous: I wouldn't think that hiding your virginity would be a good idea. Personally, I would rather know so that I could act in a manner that wouldn't cause distress or discomfort. Remember that trust is a very important part in being comfortable with someone. I think the most important thing you can do to prepare is to very aware of what will happen to you and what you can give back, be aware of your own body so that you can guide and direct your partner. Additionally, make it clear that you are not that experienced but are willing to learn and to teach. When you do eventually make love to someone, I hope you have a really good time.

Virgin: In no way am I repulsed by the concept of virginity and I don't really understand why a man would be (possibly the prospect of blood might put them off?).

Virgin Man said...

I found virgin woman is wonderful because they have certain cuteness and innocent. Sexual experienced girls turn me off. Girls who rationally abstain from sex is one of the best marriage material.